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Log In. Toggle navigation MENU. Email Address. Email address:. Please provide an email address. Categories of Interest: Select All. Current Affairs. Historical Fiction. True Crime. So, how do you break free when you are little and a parent supervises without stop? Two strategies work, and often continue onto adulthood.

The Secret Lives of People in Love: Stories

The good news is that most children naturally grow out of the need to lie. Most kids hit grade school with the understanding that truth and justice counts. Not just to Superman. They leave lying behind. Yet, for some, compulsive lying extends into adult life. Like in childhood, a good lie is a powerful tool. The real problem comes when your lies lead you to live a secret life. Some people lie to themselves, others to loved ones, and yet others to both.

Secret lives are common. The secret can be relatively harmless. You tell people you're on a diet , when you're still delving into the chocolate ice cream tub in the freezer. You spend money on the dress you swore to your husband you weren't buying. You act one way around people you love, and activate a different part of yourself secretly.

What can be a sweet way to establish a sense of autonomy in childhood; can become a dangerous solution to unhappiness in adulthood. There are so many secret lives; some healthier than others. Many develop addictions— alcohol , drugs , gambling, and online shopping. The secret life can be terrible. A serial killer does much more damage. Both carry the dynamic of the secret life. The secret life called. Secrets can go on for years. Perhaps by finding money missing in a bank account, crazy credit card bills, discovering texts to a secret lover, a second cell phone or even bottles of booze locked away.

But if you want to keep a marriage or relationship after your secret is discovered, you have to be in therapy, usually augmented by a step program that will breakdown the double life, and keep the behavior under control. Over the years I have seen countless secret lives. It is a deep part of the human condition. But this is not a blueprint for greener living or a manifesto for sustainability, but an enlightening New Year rummage through the cellars of our lives.

If there is a resolution, it is that the house of humanity badly needs a spring clear out. You can find our Community Guidelines in full here. Want to discuss real-world problems, be involved in the most engaging discussions and hear from the journalists? Try Independent Premium free for 1 month.

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The Secret Lives of People in Love

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